crashed

I haven't written much.  I think because I felt like if I wrote that my body is not cooperating, that it would somehow jinx our adoption which was so so close to being finalized. But silly me, nothing can thwart God's plans!

When we started the process to foster and adopt, I was doing great -- on my way UP and FORWARD.  Even when Miles arrived, I was doing so well I said I felt nearly normal and our doctor was so encouraged and we thought there wouldn't be any roadblocks ahead.

But then about 6 months in....

And now a year out from bringing our son home....

We called in reinforcements - my mom graciously has come out to our state and stays for a week or two.  It usually corresponds with times my dad is out of town anyway so that it nice.  And the day after she arrived the first time, my body knew that help was available finally.

And my body crashed.  My husband and I were out on a "Lyme date" - the kind where there's low impact -- we went to a movie - I could sit.  We planned to get dinner after, but my body didn't feel right.  I said I was sorry but we needed to go home.  Being married to someone who understands helps.  He got us home, I walked in, dropped my purse, and immediately lay on the couch.  He could tell.....he asked if I needed my "medicine" that helps stop the tremors and "seizures" (they aren't exactly seizures in that they do not damage the brain, but they sure behave physically like seizures).  This hadn't happened in a year or so!

He milled around a bit and then I urgently said, "Get me TWO!  TWO!" and then it started.  Convulsing so violent that I was afraid my brain would jiggle right out of my body.  And it would.not.stop.  I curled into a ball and let it run it's course after taking meds.  My mom and husband kept the kids at a distance since we didn't want them to worry.  I'm not sure they even noticed me over in the corner of the room.

They aren't technically "seizures".  You hook me up to one of those machines during one and it will not show seizure activity.  They call them "partial seizures".  And I've only ever had one when I had help present. It's like my body can hang out until I know those in my care are safe.  Then it crashes.

We didn't think my body was that far in a bad place. We knew we needed to ask for help with my mom coming in but we thought that was just to give my body a break.  Caring for kiddos, even sweet, obedient ones is crazy.

And funny thing is, it wasn't adding another kid to the mix that brought my body down.  Little Miles is the easiest baby/toddler you ever could ask for.

I think it's my 3 year old that causes the most amount of physical work.  Her newly diagnosed Lyme&Co. causes a lot of sensory challenges.  She was also diagnosed with behavioral disorders that to the developmental pediatricians look very textbook.  To me, I can see the Lyme underneath.  We are praying and hoping that treating for Lyme will eliminate at least a few if not all of the diagnosis.  But for sure some therapy will just help her little self in general.

My doctor even said that at the clinic they see huge similarities in when parents who struggle with Lyme have kids -- when their kids are struggling, the parents struggle.  When the kids get well, the parents get well.  It make sense.  There can be so much anxiety watching your kids suffer.  I think it's worse too, because you KNOW how they feel since you've lived through it.  Poorest little kiddos.

So we are all plugging along (the three girls of the family who are infected) with treatment and we see encouragements and discouragements along the way, but that is just what Lyme is - a huge uphill battle to rid your body of the bugs and to teach your immune system to do its job!

So continue to pray for us and pray for this momma who needs some physical strength and a boost to get back to our sense of Lyme normalcy where I can do more than the basic needs around this house!  And praise God for family who is going out of their way to help so much!  It's wonderful to have family who truly understands the hardships this disease can cause!