Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Relieved

Still waiting on the results from the CORRECT Lyme test. In the meantime, I'm fighting off candida which is a LONG, hard battle. This week my body has felt completely broken and failing.

But at this very moment I have a respite. I wish I could know it would last all day or even the rest of the week, but unfortunately it can turn within a matter of minutes. Often I'll be up making dinner and then 2 minutes later feel as though I will fall down if I don't go sit down. More than once I have left steamed vegetables hot and ready only to cool down, get soggy and begin to spoil over a few days JUST because of lack of energy!

Anyways -- I'm walking on eggshells, only getting up and doing things in 5 minute bursts just in case the exertion will cause me to spiral down again. Little Munchkin is being very agreeable today which also helps! I'm hoping and praying my little respite of "not feeling like I'm dying" will last so that my husband can have a well wife when he comes home for "rest and relaxation". He insists all he'll care about is BEING with me and the Monkey and that he would LOVE to take care of me. But after 9 months apart, that is NOT how a wife wants to see her husband. I wish I could take care of HIM and give HIM all the rest he deserves.

The little Goose is asking for a movie....

Monday, January 12, 2009

Spacey

My head is clogged with allergies. On TOP of all the other aches and pains and fatigue. What fun.

Why is Lyme disease such a controversy? It's hard to know who to trust because there are two opposing sides. For some reason it's easier for me not to trust the government.

Anyways -- I just want a straight, reliable answer and feel at peace about what I know of the disease. And of course it would be nice to at least know that I've taken the proper blood test to rule it out. Who knew it would be hard to find a doctor who will do the RIGHT tests?

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Hopeful

At my wit's end I googled "natural antibiotic" on Saturday after hearing some discouraging news about my health (at my sister's wedding no less!) from my doctor. I figured after so many years of no improvement with my health, I might as well turn to nature to see what it could provide. I researched some and felt I was on to something that promised a lot but wouldn't cost an arm and a leg to try and that wouldn't harm my body to try. I started immediately on OLE and colloidal silver (AND probiotics!) along with my normal regimen of vitamin C. Apparently with OLE you can have a 'die-off' effect where your body takes all of the bacteria that is being killed off and needs to get rid of it so you feel worse for a while before feeling better. It is a GOOD thing but makes you feel REALLY yucky.

On Sunday I felt a bit worse than I usually do and half-way through the day felt the onset of the pain and WORSE fatigue that I can slip into for weeks at a time. I attributed it to the wedding I had been in on Saturday and my 'over-doing' it.

Monday was different because instead of waking up at 5am like a lightbulb, I felt REALLY sleepy. This hasn't happened in 6 months. I am usually fatigued but not sleepy. I have sleep ISSUES! I napped ALL day between caring for Little One and felt VERY malaised and awful. Tuesday I slept in til 6:30am! But still felt horribly malaised and tired....until noon.

Then *snap*, all of the sudden I felt a huge burst of energy and no more malaise. I thought maybe someone was praying for me to feel great on my birthday. I went to 2 stores, vacuumed my house (that hasn't been vacuumed in a month because I've been so ill), organized Little One's closet and room (took 2 hours), baked my GF birthday cake, and cleaned my messy house in anticipation for my family to come over to celebrate my bd. I decided to not push my luck and rest the rest of the evening. I felt sleepy around 9:30pm, but for me that's a good thing! I usually have TROUBLE falling asleep.

Today I slept until 7am! Now we'll see how the rest of the day goes. I'm hopeful I'm on to something with this OLE. I wonder how my doctor will react on Thursday when I tell him I'm taking a natural supplement!

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Malaised

Today is my birthday. I SHOULD be waking up and feeling a tinge of excitement about the day and all that lies ahead. Or excited about some special advance purchase of gluten-free cinnamon donuts to have for a special birthday breakfast.

But instead I wake up and feel worn out like I didn't get an hour of sleep (except that I got about 7 hours!). The thought of food sounds repulsive and were it not for the little 18 1/2 month old in the other room I would probably not get out of bed yet. She does make the start of my birthday very special, though and momentarily distracts me from my malaised feeling. She very cutely tries to ask for her daily warm milk to start off HER day with little words of gibberish and as I change her diaper I tell her "Did you know it's my birthday today?" She smiles and her wake-up eyes crinkle. After warm milk we get breakfast (potato pancakes) and then my body tells me it's had enough moving for the moment so I am confined to the couch. I think my daughter believes this is how life is for grown-ups -- prone on the couch or bed all day with little excursions here and there when mommy's face looks more cheerful and vibrant on 'good' days.