Thursday, November 19, 2009

wary

I have been wondering a lot lately if after this baby comes out if my symptoms will all return...the pain, fatigue, general sicky-ness. I was still struggling with fatigue when I got pregnant in the first place. Most of my other symptoms had disappeared thankfully. But it seemed strange for the fatigue to just go away. I mean, you feel fatigued in the first trimester anyhow so I couldn't tell a difference but for sure I tell a difference now. I don't get the rug pulled out from under me if I go grocery shopping anymore and generally I have the stamina to keep the house up, etc.

I think traveling will be the biggest test for me. I travel in December and in the past, traveling has put me out of commission for at least a few days after. So I wonder what will happen now.

If I do truly have Fibromyalgia (which is debatable since they said my symptoms were actually caused by yeast), I have heard that pregnancy can erase the symptoms and then by the third trimester you start feeling some of those symptoms again.

I'm just so curious to see what will happen! I'm praying my problems are gone but I don't want to get my hopes up too high in case it all comes crashing down again when baby arrives.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

not hungry

...lately I just haven't had an appetite. With my last pregnancy I was starving ALL the time. So WHY am I not hungry now? My nausea is pretty much gone and food doesn't sound BAD...it's just that I'm not always thinking about my stomach. And when I get food in front of me I tend to eat like a bird before I feel full. I plan to bring this up with my doctor when I see her in a couple of weeks. It makes me wonder if it has anything to do with my other "problems".

I haven't gained any weight in the last few weeks. But I haven't lost any! So that's good I suppose. I'm not sure how much I'm supposed to be gaining at this point in the pregnancy but I'm pretty sure whatever it is, I'm under. As long as baby is healthy, I'll be happy. :)

Saturday, October 17, 2009

moderately healthy

Yes. I do. I wonder if the yeast is just hiding or if pregnancy has helped any. But so far my nausea has subsided quite a bit and my energy has returned. I still can't do as much as other people can, but I can do daily outings without feeling like I have to rest for a few days afterward.

Since most of my pre-pregnancy regimen of herbs and vitamins are no-no's right now, I'm sticking with things that are okay--coconut oil daily, loads of probiotics, and a regular prenatal with some extra boosts of those fat soluble vitamins that my body seems not to absorb very well. The last few months I've barely gotten anything down so it'll be nice to get started on these things and feel like I might be at least keeping the yeast at bay until I can have this baby and then try to finish it (the candida) off (if there's any left because I made great headway before I got pregnant).

My body is definitely showing signs of being malnourished but the baby is healthy, so for now we'll just continue to push the particular vitamins that will be useful and continue to eat a healthy diet. I'm thinking about adding a digestive enzyme (as long as it's safe for baby) to see if that may help.

But thankfully lately I FEEL pretty good!

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

ill

...with nausea still. 13 weeks pregnant and still so sick. But at least it's a reassurance that baby is still there and kicking.

We are somewhat geared up (the doctor and I) to deal with the possible problems that may come as a result of my leaky gut and seemingly inability to absorb important nutrients. As soon as I can swallow pills again without throwing them up I will take some extra supplements for those certain fat soluble vitamins that I tested really low for a few months ago. The doctor will monitor the baby's growth closely to see that he/she is getting all it needs. Thankfully the first trimester isn't too key for getting the baby nutrients. It's primarily the 3rd trimester that counts the most so by then I hopefully will be eating better and not so sick.

My bile ducts seem to be acting up once again. I need to get an okay to use digestive enzymes with this pregnancy because the meds I usually use to clear my bile ducts isn't safe for pregnancy. I've had a few painful days but eventually my ducts cleared themselves....just at the expense of a lot of pain.

Sorry for not updating more here...I'm sure I will as I start to feel better!

Sunday, August 2, 2009

Nauseated

....but for a good reason! Last pregnancy I remember waking up at some point in the first few weeks and all of my aches and pains were gone. And I had MORE energy than I usually do. I wonder if it will happen again this time. They say each pregnancy is different so I guess time will tell. They also say that symptoms appear earlier each pregnancy. With the Goose my nausea started at 6 weeks and subsided at 21 weeks! With the last pregnancy (that didn't work out), the nausea started around week 4. This time I'm getting on and off nausea about week 4 1/2. I just hope it isn't as bad as my first baby. That was debilitating!

We're excited and thanking God for this new blessing and praying that all will go well. And perhaps my "normal" bad symptoms will disappear like they did with the last one.

Thursday, July 9, 2009

failing

My battery is constantly on "low" these days. I often find myself trying to find a reason for all my ailments. Like, "Well maybe it's because I just drove over 1200 miles and I just need a few days to recoup" and then a few days pass and I feel even more worn out that usual. So then I try to think of other reasons.

I think I just need to resign myself to the fact that there aren't always clear cut answers for these things. My particular body isn't quite well enough yet for me to pretend I'm fine.

Thankfully my best friend and husband is finally home! I just wish I was more of an adventurous, energetic wife. But he understands so I don't need to worry.

Friday, June 19, 2009

gallbladder-less

My last appointment with Dr. G went as well as you'd want your last appointment to go. He said, "You're on the right track. It'll just take time to heal." That was before he knew I was leaving and the things he said encouraged me!

At this point, by eating all organic and non-GMO, taking the few supplements I'm taking, and now by adding some digestive enzymes to my meal time routine, I should heal soon. My test results came back just how he expected but not great. My cholesterol is SUPER low which indicates malnutrition. This is exactly what you would expect from a leaky gut so it's not a surprise. But we need to help with that. My vitamin D level is low (even though I'm taking MORE than the normal amount) and a few other vitamins were low. Funny enough they were the fat soluble vitamins. He said since my gallbladder is out I'm not able to digest things properly or those fat soluble vitamins. So to help with that, I'm to take some digestive enzymes with each meal. That should help a lot!

Unfortunately, the majority of healing vitamins and such that he had me on in the very beginning are not conducive to baby-making. Some can be dangerous to baby. So for now, in this season of life, I need to put them aside but they are something I will start up again after we have our second child Lord-willing. In the mean-time I can continue with the digestive enzymes and a few of the natural supplements that are safe for baby.

So complete healing is something I'll need to be patient about. I'm just so thankful that I can function normally now. True, I get tired out more easily than others, and my body has more aches and pains than most, and yes, I have to be off of my feet for a majority of the day in order to preserve my strength throughout the week, but I'm SO much better than I was 6 months ago.

Now I pray I can find a knowledgeable doctor up in Washington!

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

kefir'ed

I did some research and found that drinking coconut water kefir can be really beneficial to those dealing with yeast. It's also good for achy joints and a host of other things.

So I got myself some kefir grains and some coconut water and let it ferment away for a day or two.

Drinking 2 oz. at each meal is plenty and I was skeptical at first that it could do anything but I'll try just about anything these days so long as it makes sense to me and doesn't cost an arm and a leg.

Well, it sure is working. The last few days I've been off my feet from the "die-off" reaction. I can tell it's doing it's job by the way I'm feeling. It's the same way I felt when I first started the meds to get rid of the yeast.

I've made so much progress since the beginning of the year. From being at the point where I'd nearly faint if I was on my feet for more than 5 minutes to now being able to make it through the day without being off of my feet for most of it. I can go on outings and can generally care for my daughter without much fatigue!

I'm so thankful. I am too afraid to hope this is the end of my illness but I'm cautiously thinking maybe this is the beginning of finally getting a handle on it.

Thursday, May 28, 2009

befuddled

I had another doctor's appointment a couple days ago. I gained another pound since my last appointment!

I brought up my concerns about the returning joint pains and my doctor went somewhere I didn't think he'd go. He said he wants to step up the efforts to make my body well. Instead of dwelling on the yeast (because he thinks I probably have a handle on it), he went on about making sure I eat ALL organic food and how it was incredibly important to never eat genetically modified foods. It was strange to hear a Western Medicine doctor tell me this. He explained a little bit why and it made sense to me. He also said for my body, my gut is probably still messed up from what the yeast has done and may still be doing. So I need to detoxify as well as fill my body with good pure things.

He suggested two other methods to help with this. One is the Gerson Therapy. It is a program that basically states you only eat fruits and vegetables. You do this mainly through juicing. Unfortunately we'd need a specific juicer. Using our existing one would only get out about 5% of the nutrients in the vegetables and fruit. We could go for one that gets out 95% of the nutrients but this would cost us about $1000-2000! This is just not feasible for us. There is another juicer out there that would get about 75% of the nutrients for about $250. This still seems insurmountable to us but we're considering it. It would be a HUGE lifestyle change. Just google the Gerson Therapy and you'll see why.

The other thing he suggested I'm still not on board with. It actually seems gimmicky to me. It's alkaline water. He said this would cleanse my colon and it's something he feels I really need to do. He told me to research it and said it would be hard to sift through all of the gimmicky places in order to find scientific research. Boy was he right! But anyways -- to get alkaline water, I'd need to buy a $2000 machine to do it for me. We most definitely cannot do this. Unless I'm convinced it would cure me it's just not an option for us.

It was sort of disappointing coming away from the appointment. A lot of what this doctor said made sense but at the same time he is suggesting huge lifestyle changes. But if it means getting rid of my fibromyalgia, it might be worth it.

We have a lot to pray about.

I had my vitamin levels tested again to see how well I'm absorbing stuff. Because my gallbladder is out, he suspects some fat soluble vitamins aren't being absorbed by me very well. We'll see....

Next time he wants to test my pesticide levels (from eating non-organic foods). Please pray that we'll make the right decision. My next appointment will most likely be my last appointment with him because we are moving out of state. So we really want to know whether to proceed with the pesticide testing, etc. If it will be beneficial to know and treat me, then we'll do it, but obviously it's not covered by our insurance because it is a new test.

*sigh*

For now we are committed to eating all organic (we were currently eating about 75% organic food in our home) and trying really hard to avoid genetically modified foods (REALLY hard to do because just about everything from fruits and veggies to packaged food are genetically modified -- did you know in Europe they have to be labeled and they've found them to be harmful! But here in the U.S there are no regulations against them so things are usually not labeled).

And I'm juicing a lot more frequently now even though I'm only getting 5% of the nutrients I need from it. I figure a little is better than nothing.

Hopefully we can slowly transition after our move to the possibility of the Gerson Therapy and hopefully that can solve my problems once and for all!

Sorry for all the info and now you probably consider me an official 'wack' job and true Californian crunchy nut :)

Saturday, May 23, 2009

old fashion

....because I'm culturing my own yogurt. AND making my own coconut water kefir. Coconut Kefir is supposed to be a double whammy against systemic yeast. Okay, so the yogurt is for my daughter. But I promise I'll try it.

Lately I've felt a resurgence of achy achy joints and muscles and some other symptoms that tell me the yeast is definitely rearing it's ugly head and not wanting to admit defeat.

I have another appointment with my doctor on Tuesday so I'm eager to give him my symptoms and hear what he thinks we should do next. I'm just hoping it doesn't involve a super diet. I just don't know I could do without dairy. I can give up sugar, fruit, carbs, but don't take away my cheese. PLEASE!

My energy reserves have been fairly good. I've needed a nap each day and have tried to stay off of my feet for at least part of the day but with a house to be packing up in anticipation for our move this summer, I just can't stay off of my feet long.

Haven't checked my weight lately but last I did check I was staying steady at just about 5 lbs under what I'd like to be at the most minimum. Ideally I'd love to gain 10 lbs more.

Time to go check on my kefir grains!

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

thankful

The plane flight home (a 12+ hour airport/plane experience) could have gone a lot worse with a one-month-shy-of-2 year old. I am counting my blessings and thankful for all the prayers I had.

She was an angel! It didn't make the experience peachy, though. I'm really sore and really exhausted now. And the little Goosey, while fairly still and behaved, was still 25 lbs. on my lap for 8 hours. yikes!

Now I'm praying that this latest traveling adventure won't push me over the edge into weeks upon weeks of feeling miserable as have the last few trips. I do feel stronger this time so I hope that makes a difference. But just to be on the safe side I'm going to relax the rest of the week (as much as a full time mom/part-time work from home mom can).

But really, I'm amazed at how smoothly the travels went and I am much less cynical about flying with a toddler now :) But I won't lie, I don't think I'll do it alone again. I'm happy the next time we fly this summer my husband will be home to help and the Goose will be 2 years old so she'll get her own seat!!

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

defeated

Well, defeated when it came to that migraine yesterday. All day I felt it coming and tried to keep it away. It was the FIRST migraine since 30 days of taking the keep-the-migraines-away meds. I'm supposed to be on it for a year now instead of a month. It's supposed to cut down on your migraines so much. I'd say it has! I used to get them 3 times a week. So once in 30 days is great. But it was a bad one!

Now today I have to fly. Thankfully I had packed everything over the weekend so yesterday I mostly just had to work and I tried to relax. Didn't help that migraine not turn into a full fledged pounding head, though. And today I have the "after" migraine where it feels like you're getting another but actually it's just the migraine going away. Ugh.

My liver blood work came back normal. That's a blessing! I'm glad I don't have another thing to worry about. My liver still hurts so it's probably just overloaded with toxins to deal with as I kill off the not-so-great stuff in my gut.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

excited

Yay! I've gained 3 lbs. this month! It MUST mean something in my regimen is working on my gut so I can absorb nutrients better.

My appointment with my doctor went well. All is going according to plan and my recent flare up of symptoms seems to be from all of the toxins from the dying off process. I backed down the dose of one of the antibiotics and seem to be doing better this week. Dr. said that was a good call.

He is concerned that my liver is "hurting" so we did some blood work. I suspect it will come back normal as all my blood work always does, but I'm not complaining about that!

Now that I know that I AM gaining weight I'm going to really try hard again to gain just another 5 lbs if I can. I would be happy with that and stop worrying. That would be my pre-marriage weight and maybe my wedding rings would fit again!

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

on the verge of a headache

For 20 years of my life I remember waking up with a headache and falling asleep with a headache. Some days it would turn into migraines....in fact, 3 out of 7 days it would! I was diagnosed with "childhood migraines" when I was little and it just kept getting worse as I got older. We never could figure out what caused them except that it kind of runs in my dad's side of the family.

In college I saw a neurologist and even got an M.R.I. Nothing of interest showed up thankfully, and I was put on some meds to try to suppress the constant headache. I was on it for about a year and it did HELP but it didn't solve the problem. The side-effects were too much to bear so I went off of them and my doctor indicated if I wanted relief, I'd need to stay on the meds the rest of my life. *sigh* Oh well. So back came the headaches and migraines.

Then, fast-forward to after I had my first baby; I was diagnosed with Celiac disease. I had to cut out wheat and gluten from my diet. After a few months of this lifestyle I realized my headaches weren't as frequent. I certainly didn't wake up with a headache anymore. It was amazing. The only thing to complain about was frequent migraines but it was WAY better than having a constant nagging headache at all moments.

Recently I asked my general practitioner for a refill of my migraine medicine. He said, 'Oh, for my patients I usually put them on a 30 day regimen of this anti-nausea medicine and then they don't get migraines anymore.'

"WHAT!???" It sounded too good to be true. He said occasionally his patients will go back on the medicine after the 30 days but for 10 day stints but for the most part the migraines stay away.

So I started it about 15 days ago. You take it at bed time. I'm so surprised at how well it's worked so far. Most days I feel like I'm ABOUT to get one but it never turns into anything! I haven't had a migraine since I started the nightly meds. I HOPE it stays that way even when I finish the medicine.

As far as my other non-headache-related symptoms -- they seem to be fluctuating. Some days are good, some days are worse. I see my doctor tomorrow. Guess I'll see what happens.

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Like I'm walking on eggshells

It's funny because I'll have an AWFUL day of joint pain and fatigue and think, 'aw...it's starting again' and I'll start bracing myself for the worst. Then the next day will be a lot better. It's like the antibiotics are barely keeping me above water. It's nice not to be 'sunk' yet and hopefully I won't get that way. But it's continually frustrating to feel like the horrible can't-get-off-the-couch fatigue and pain are about to come at me full force.

I've had some sort of improvement I know because I bought a ticket to fly with my almost-2-year old in two weeks. This seemed like an insurmountable task even a few months ago. Now it seems a bit daunting but not impossible. I wouldn't have even considered such a trip then. It'll be nice now, though, especially because the people at the end of my plane ride always make me feel comfortable enough to lay on the couch all day if I need to :) And they have lots of entertainment for the little Lady of the house :)

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Weary

But not defeated; that's always a good sign. The botanical antibiotics are really taking a toll on my body. It means they are doing their job but it makes my physical state pretty weary-ing. I'm on Goldenseal now that the Oregano didn't work for me. So now I'm on the full dose of meds. I see my doctor in about 2 weeks and at that appointment he wants to see exactly what brands and such that I'm using for ALL of my vitamins and supplements.

My ankles have been especially hurting lately. Sometimes hard to walk on but most the time just a constant throb and ache. My wrists too and my back just generally aches all day long. It's like a flashback to a few months ago because I've actually experienced a bit of a relief from these symptoms since the last one course of anti-microbial botanicals. I REALLY hope this means things are dying off and that I will be rid of everything causing me problems! I so want to be well when my husband returns.

There have been some great improvements, though -- I feel like I have my "mind" back finally. I no longer live in a 'fog'. It's been so nice to have clarity and feel creativity come back. I think the increase in energy has helped this too. I've gotten out my sewing machine, craft items, etc. It feels a bit like my old, healthy self :)

A lot of people have been telling me that I "look" much better than I have in a year or so. This is encouraging although I haven't personally noticed it. But when more than 3 people say something and they aren't related, you know something must look better :)

This is quite rambly but I wasn't sure what else to write about. I feel in limbo -- feeling somewhat miserable but on the other hand, so much better in certain areas of my health. So now we press on and continue to wait...

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Swamped

Well, it seems as if the stones passed quickly this time! I'm so thankful for that.

Today I felt the first real feelings of needing to be off of my feet most of the day. Thankfully I've felt worse than this so I still feel functional. I can make meals and take care of the little rambunctious monkey girl. But I just wonder as this treatment gets more intense in the next week or so whether I'll be able to maintain that.

I do know the Lord is in control as He has been in the past. He knows how much I can handle and I have always made it through before with His help.

Thursday, April 2, 2009

Ready to be rid of my kidneys

...except they are so vital to well-being. I have the familiar twinge of kidney stone pain this evening. Oh how I'm hoping it will be gone by morning! I've lost count how many times I've had kidney stones. We never can catch the stones to test and see what type they are; that may help figure out what I'm doing to cause them! On the other hand, it could very well be that I'm just susceptible to them no matter what I do.

I will admit that the last two days I haven't been drinking much water. Instead, I opted for Hansen's Natural Root Beer. Going for cola over water is never a good thing for someone who gets kidney stones often.

*sigh* Please, Lord, let me not deal with this pain for a long time! I was in denial all evening until I realized I had doubled over a few times as I walked to get dinner ready. I always think, "What is this familiar pain...it can't be kidney stones again." And then I finally throw in the towel and resign to my fate.

Lots of water for the next few days!

I'm officially on all three antibiotics. But I'll have to give one up. I've been taking Oregano Oil but unfortunately it has cumin in it and I am allergic to it! I've been wondering why I have a fine layer of red hives all over my face and large itchy hives down my neck and back and arms. I thought it was because I introduced oats after not having them for 2 years. But then today I realized that after I took my dose of Oregano Oil, I found myself scratching at my neck and forehead and cheeks. I looked at the ingredients once again and then it clicked -- cumin! I've always suspected I'm allergic. For a few years when I eat something with cumin in it I'll get hivey patches on my arms. Then at Christmas I had some BBQ sauce and RIGHT afterwards broke out in incredible hives all over my face and arms and neck! The only suspect ingredient was cumin!

I guess now I'm convinced! So I'll need to choose another botanical antibiotic/antifungal to take oregano's place. There is a small list of things that kill off candida. I'm going to go with Goldenseal to take the oregano's spot. We'll see how it goes!

Monday, March 30, 2009

Not hungry

It's such an amazing difference from 2 weeks ago. I mean, I WAS pregnant, but honestly -- the last week I just have NOT been hungry at all. Two weeks ago I'd wake up and stuff food in my mouth to keep from getting too nauseated and then the "eat-fest" would begin. Every hour or so I'd need food.

Now, I can go til 2pm before realizing I haven't eaten anything. It's really frustrating because 1) Nothing sounds good to eat
2) If I don't eat I lose weight quick
3) Gaining weight is SO hard for me

I haven't stepped on the scale for 2 weeks. I have a doctor's appointment Wednesday so I guess I'll see what this week of not eating has done. I know it will be discouraging. I work SO hard to MAINTAIN what little poundage I have because it's so hard to gain it if I lose even a pound or two. It takes so much work and effort. *sigh* I wish I at least had an appetite to help me out.

Sunday, March 22, 2009

Downhearted

Pretty much ever since I found out I was pregnant my physical state was improved SO dramatically! I couldn't believe how much energy I had and how the pain went away. It was a very intriguing and I savored EVERY single moment my body actually felt good. Nausea came but I still had energy and my body didn't feel broken.

Then about a week and a half ago I woke up and felt as if I had been run over by a truck. I wondered only for a moment if that meant something had happened to the baby and maybe I wasn't pregnant anymore. But I still had overwhelming nausea and no cramping or bleeding so I figured maybe the blessing of feeling great had passed but at least I still had a baby to look forward to.

But my sneaking suspicion was confirmed at my routine doctor's appointment. Baby #2 hadn't made any progress since last appointment where we saw it's heartbeat. And this time, there was no heartbeat. It was a "missed miscarriage" because my body didn't do ANYTHING about it. It continued to feel pregnant and act pregnant even though there was no more life growing inside it. The doctor suspected the baby had died a week before. Just when my fibromyalgia symptoms showed up again curiously enough.

Thankfully this most likely didn't have anything to do with my health. The doctor thinks this was just a routine miscarriage. Everyone has the same chance that I did of having one. It was early enough to not be abnormal. So there is much to be thankful for.

I had to have minor surgery to do what my body didn't want to do on it's own but I'm also thankful for that. It would have been really hard to lose it on my own and be reminded for weeks that every day I was literally 'losing' the little one. Now it is just a few days of minor bleeding and cramping. The cramps are what are most annoying. It's like someone is poking me saying, 'Remember what happened?'. But those should be gone soon.

The first thing I remember after coming to after the anesthesia wore off was a stream of fresh tears coming out of my eyes. I hadn't really cried yet since I had found out a few hours earlier that I lost the baby. I didn't want the nurses or anyone to see me so I just kept my eyes closed and cried and cried.

The hardest part is not having my best friend here to comfort me when I'm alone. In fact, it feels like if he was here, I wouldn't be downhearted at all. The thought of having a baby in October was great, but I wasn't terribly attached to the baby itself yet. I usually wait until the second trimester for that and also finding out the gender helps too. So it was more the loss of the pregnancy that hurt so much. The pregnancy offered me something to make the time pass quickly until his return and it was such a nice added bonus to feel so great after feeling so awful for so long.

Now I wake up feeling bruised and battered like I once did and I start crying because it just reminds me of what I lost but also what life is REALLY like. It also ends up making me thankful for those weeks of having a break from feeling like this.

There is also another blessing in all of this. Now I can fully focus all my efforts and offenses at killing the yeast which we now have an actual quantity to measure. I start tomorrow attacking it. I'm absolutely dreading it. I'm going to be using 3 different botanical antibiotics but the doctor assured me I definitely will "herx" and feel pretty awful from all of the yeast dying off. I know this feeling from the last round I did and it's really hard to willingly put myself through it again. Especially since last time I was only using one antibiotic. This time it will be three! It's like going into battle but knowing for sure you will be injured. Would you do that!?

Wish I could hibernate until July. But then I'd miss out on all the cuteness of my favorite almost-2-year-old and THAT would be the saddest thing ever ;)

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Worn Out

Two doctors appointments in one day, each in the opposite direction, really takes it out of you when you're ill. I've now got a migraine that can only be treated with Extra Strength Tylenol. To me that's like taking a sugar pill. It doesn't do ANYTHING. But I always give it a try.

One of the doctors I had never seen before. My OB - it was the greatest doctor's office I have ever been to. He is a wonderful doctor and the only bad part about it is that there can be some long wait times. But it's worth it and I see why so many love him. I've never in all the many doctor's appointments I've had, experienced a doctor who was more sincere and didn't act hurried. He looked me in the eye and asked me about 5 times if I had any more questions (I had lots!). He was compassionate and wise and was SO thorough. I felt very cared for.

The nurses were also incredibly kind and thoughtful and treated me like an actual person! Instead of telling me where the lab was, they walked me to it -- out of their office even!! The nurse who took my blood in the lab said, "Is Dr. F going to be your doctor for this pregnancy?" I said yes and she said, "OH good. He is the best. He is so professional and so wonderful."

Even the nurse who took my blood was extra kind - she told me to keep my hand pressed on my little wound for a bit to keep it from bruising and told me as I left that if I needed anything I could come to her.

I've had blood drawn a million times it seems and I've seen so many doctors but this visit felt like a 5 star resort. Such a difference kindness and non-hurriedness makes.

My second appointment later in the day, however, was awful. I've been there before and haven't had problems but this time I arrived, after driving WAY out of my way, and they weren't quite sure why I had come so I had to tell them I came for some test results because the doctor wanted me to be there. Well, they didn't have the results back. And they had to ask me if they had given me results of other tests that they had indeed given me about twice before in the last month. They made me feel a bit guilty for being pregnant too which wasn't very nice. Almost like, "well, now we can't help you much....if you had stuck to our regimen you'd be healed within a year." It probably wasn't as bad as all that but I came away feeling that way. The doctor hasn't completely given up on me thankfully. He is thinking of alternative ways to treat the yeast while I'm pregnant and we're going to wait on the test results to go further.

I find myself comparing these doctor's appointments the way I rate restaurants. "The wait staff was friendly"; "the wait time was manageable"; "the service was great". Kind of sad if you visit the doctor THAT much that it becomes like that. I was just struck with the thought as I drove home from my first, wonderful doctor's appointment that I had the same "good" feeling I have when I visit a great restaurant. Sad!!!!

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Tired

....in the pregnant way where you think you could literally sleep ALL day. Pregnant women do LOTS of work without even knowing it! I always encourage my first-trimester pregnant friends to go ahead and rest and not feel bad about it because making a baby is hard work.

It's interesting the difference between fatigue and tiredness. Most chronically ill people are fatigued. But what I found with some of the inexperienced (with chronic illnesses) doctors is that when I listed that as a symptom they'd say, "So you sleep all day or feel like you could?"

"NO" I'd say, "I'm FATIGUED...extremely fatigued. I have zero energy the minute I roll out of bed. Walking to the bathroom feels like I just ran a marathon. But I don't think I could sleep." Most doctors didn't pay attention to this and assumed I meant I felt like sleeping all day.

But really there is a HUGE difference! That is how I know that right NOW, the tired feeling I have is related to pregnancy. If I was fatigued I'd wonder if all my symptoms were creeping back in from this 2 week respite I've had.

The fatigue I've experienced was always constantly worrisome to me. I didn't know WHY I was so fatigued and didn't know how to fix it. I tried everything. I felt a sense of guilt that I couldn't do things as simple as walk to another room or felt a bit like a failure as I watched people clean my house. I shouldn't have but it's hard not to when you spend month after month crumpled on the couch.

So while I curl up on the couch these days and sneak a nap while my little one takes her nap, I don't feel one ounce guilty or worried because I know it serves a purpose and know the reasons behind it and know it's not a mysterious illness :) I can be thankful for something this little right now after the year I've had and will be thankful for it as long as it lasts :)

Friday, February 20, 2009

Pregnant

...but not in the almost-about-to-burst way. I feel the early symptoms -- the overwhelming nausea where you have to take a bite of protein as soon as you wake up or else you'll never make it to the kitchen to make breakfast for yourself.

Last time around I had a husband who helped. This time I have an almost 2 year old Goose who needs ME to cook for her as well as me being the sole cooker in the house for me too :) So far I've been able to stand strong at cooking for her but I did nearly have to pull the car over to lose my breakfast yesterday while she was asking over and over for "lunch". Thank goodness for life savers! The little punch of sour helped me make it to my destination.

Still trying to figure out how pregnancy and systemic yeast go together? Since I don't absorb nutrients the way I should, having a baby leaching nutrients from ME seems like the only one really losing here is me. I have already begun to lose weight unfortunately even though my appetite for the last 2 weeks has been HUGE. I've eaten lots of calories and was sure because of the volume of it that I had put a few pounds on. I was quite shocked to step on the scale and see I had gone backwards quite a bit. Just another thing to mention to the doctor.

I'm thankful for the Great Physician who is caring for both me and Baby #2 and who I put all my trust in as I wait for answers!

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Intrigued

Pretty much since I found out I was pregnant, my health has improved greatly! I thought at first it was because hubby was home, but realized he had been home for 2 weeks with hardly any improvement. Now I have loads of energy and only minimal aches and pains. In the next few weeks I'm sure the pregnancy symptoms will rage but for now I am thankful and enjoying this respite from the awful candida die-off symptoms.

I also think the 18 days my beloved was home really helped not only emotionally but physically in that my body got to rest! He took care of the munchkin and me and it was so nice to let my body rest. That is probably another factor into why my body is feeling 'better'.

We'll see how it goes now that he's gone back to finish his tour!

Monday, February 2, 2009

Achy

...but happy because my best friend is here to comfort me :) And I do not have Lyme Disease! Such an answer to prayer.

I am still fighting off the candida but have had some really good days nestled between really rough days.

And it always helps to have hubby home to take my mind off of how my body feels :) The little Goose is very happy as well to have her daddy home for a visit.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Relieved

Still waiting on the results from the CORRECT Lyme test. In the meantime, I'm fighting off candida which is a LONG, hard battle. This week my body has felt completely broken and failing.

But at this very moment I have a respite. I wish I could know it would last all day or even the rest of the week, but unfortunately it can turn within a matter of minutes. Often I'll be up making dinner and then 2 minutes later feel as though I will fall down if I don't go sit down. More than once I have left steamed vegetables hot and ready only to cool down, get soggy and begin to spoil over a few days JUST because of lack of energy!

Anyways -- I'm walking on eggshells, only getting up and doing things in 5 minute bursts just in case the exertion will cause me to spiral down again. Little Munchkin is being very agreeable today which also helps! I'm hoping and praying my little respite of "not feeling like I'm dying" will last so that my husband can have a well wife when he comes home for "rest and relaxation". He insists all he'll care about is BEING with me and the Monkey and that he would LOVE to take care of me. But after 9 months apart, that is NOT how a wife wants to see her husband. I wish I could take care of HIM and give HIM all the rest he deserves.

The little Goose is asking for a movie....

Monday, January 12, 2009

Spacey

My head is clogged with allergies. On TOP of all the other aches and pains and fatigue. What fun.

Why is Lyme disease such a controversy? It's hard to know who to trust because there are two opposing sides. For some reason it's easier for me not to trust the government.

Anyways -- I just want a straight, reliable answer and feel at peace about what I know of the disease. And of course it would be nice to at least know that I've taken the proper blood test to rule it out. Who knew it would be hard to find a doctor who will do the RIGHT tests?

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Hopeful

At my wit's end I googled "natural antibiotic" on Saturday after hearing some discouraging news about my health (at my sister's wedding no less!) from my doctor. I figured after so many years of no improvement with my health, I might as well turn to nature to see what it could provide. I researched some and felt I was on to something that promised a lot but wouldn't cost an arm and a leg to try and that wouldn't harm my body to try. I started immediately on OLE and colloidal silver (AND probiotics!) along with my normal regimen of vitamin C. Apparently with OLE you can have a 'die-off' effect where your body takes all of the bacteria that is being killed off and needs to get rid of it so you feel worse for a while before feeling better. It is a GOOD thing but makes you feel REALLY yucky.

On Sunday I felt a bit worse than I usually do and half-way through the day felt the onset of the pain and WORSE fatigue that I can slip into for weeks at a time. I attributed it to the wedding I had been in on Saturday and my 'over-doing' it.

Monday was different because instead of waking up at 5am like a lightbulb, I felt REALLY sleepy. This hasn't happened in 6 months. I am usually fatigued but not sleepy. I have sleep ISSUES! I napped ALL day between caring for Little One and felt VERY malaised and awful. Tuesday I slept in til 6:30am! But still felt horribly malaised and tired....until noon.

Then *snap*, all of the sudden I felt a huge burst of energy and no more malaise. I thought maybe someone was praying for me to feel great on my birthday. I went to 2 stores, vacuumed my house (that hasn't been vacuumed in a month because I've been so ill), organized Little One's closet and room (took 2 hours), baked my GF birthday cake, and cleaned my messy house in anticipation for my family to come over to celebrate my bd. I decided to not push my luck and rest the rest of the evening. I felt sleepy around 9:30pm, but for me that's a good thing! I usually have TROUBLE falling asleep.

Today I slept until 7am! Now we'll see how the rest of the day goes. I'm hopeful I'm on to something with this OLE. I wonder how my doctor will react on Thursday when I tell him I'm taking a natural supplement!

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Malaised

Today is my birthday. I SHOULD be waking up and feeling a tinge of excitement about the day and all that lies ahead. Or excited about some special advance purchase of gluten-free cinnamon donuts to have for a special birthday breakfast.

But instead I wake up and feel worn out like I didn't get an hour of sleep (except that I got about 7 hours!). The thought of food sounds repulsive and were it not for the little 18 1/2 month old in the other room I would probably not get out of bed yet. She does make the start of my birthday very special, though and momentarily distracts me from my malaised feeling. She very cutely tries to ask for her daily warm milk to start off HER day with little words of gibberish and as I change her diaper I tell her "Did you know it's my birthday today?" She smiles and her wake-up eyes crinkle. After warm milk we get breakfast (potato pancakes) and then my body tells me it's had enough moving for the moment so I am confined to the couch. I think my daughter believes this is how life is for grown-ups -- prone on the couch or bed all day with little excursions here and there when mommy's face looks more cheerful and vibrant on 'good' days.