Wednesday, March 30, 2011

better....ish

Well, I now only have the remnants of the cold/flu that my girls gave me.  Just a lingering cough that shows up in the morning and at night and the occasional stuffed nose during the day.  I'm glad I survived that!  Now I'm just surviving Babesia treatment this week and next week I get a little break which I am SO thankful for.  Goodness!  It seems like each day that I have to take meds gets more and more urpy and I feel so much more in pain and fatigued.

I was in so much pain last round of Babesia treatment that I decided to try acupuncture for the first time.  I was very skeptical but my husband and I were willing to try it to see if I could get relief since the pain was just SO unbearable.

In my case, the acupuncture greatly relieved a lot of my pain!  So much so that I was mostly pain free for about 5 days.  It was awesome! The pain did creep back in (which is what the acupuncturist said would happen) and I will probably try it again in the coming weeks to see if it is a form of pain management that fits our lifestyle.

Yesterday my little one turned 1 year old!  A year ago I was in the hospital holding my new little girl and just thinking how thankful I was that God would bless us with her and I wasn't feeling terribly "off" or "sick".  That didn't come til a few months later when we finally decided that the return of a lot of my symptoms indicated we should pursue Lyme disease as a diagnosis once again.

I've got to say, this little girl, along with her sister, have made my job as mom-while-being-ill fairly easy and for that I'm so grateful.  God knew I needed kids like this for this time period in my life.  Not that they've been peaches and cream but they certainly have made it easy for me to try to heal in the hectic household of a 3.5 year old and 1 year old.

I know she won't remember her 1st birthday but we still tried to make it a big celebration (just our family).  I want her to look back at pictures and think, "I'm so grateful my mom cared to get the party together when she didn't feel good."  And also I don't want her to look back at pictures of our oldest daughter's first birthday and think we didn't care enough to make her's special :)

So grateful for this little girl (and thankful for fairly good pictures even though I wasn't feel wonderful!)

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

like trying whatever it takes

Even if it means putting a clove of garlic in your ear like a hearing aid.

It seemed to help, by the way.  Although I didn't sleep with it.  I just wore it all day.  Thankfully my daughter didn't notice or else I would have been barraged by questions that I was just too worn out to answer.

Praying I'll get over this cold/flu or whatever it is soon.  But very thankful my children are on the mend!

Sunday, March 20, 2011

for reals sick


Oh goodness!

The last few weeks have been so painful for my body.  I caught a one day break this week where I was in no pain.  Delightful!  And I'm grateful for that day for whatever reason it was given to me.

And after caring for two sick little kiddos and wiping runny noses by day and calming coughs in the middle of the night, those little stinkers gifted me their virus.  Thought I was coming down with it earlier in the week but I wasn't.  I got it today.  Ick.

I don't think I've been sick with an actual virus since I started Lyme treatment.  So this is a first.  I'm feeling pretty bad today but more so dreading tomorrow when I start my next two weeks of Babesia treatment.  I know how it makes my body feel and now I get to have that on top of having a runny nose/congested head/cough/aches and pains.  

It was such a struggle over the last 3 weeks to stay cheerful and look for the ways I could be taught during the trial instead of just selfishly looking at my pitiful state and wallowing in it.  And not only wallowing in it but taking it out on my husband (mostly) and kids (not as often).  It's hard to be "nice" when you're in extreme pain.  But I am learning and trying (with the Holy Spirit's help) to be kinder, gentler, and more Christlike in my behavior toward my little family that God has gifted to me.

I really have noticed a difference when I speak with kind words (even when I so want to lash out {with my words} or be frustrated in anger at kids' disobedience and mischievousness or misunderstandings with my husband).
  "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." Prov. 15:1
My daughter is more teachable in moments when I use kind, calm words than when I react according to the pain I'm feeling.  I know it's not easy for her to have a momma that has to lay around most of the day and I know it's not what my husband thought our married life down the road would be like when we first got married.  But they have given me encouragement and love.  And I'm not saying they're perfect at that.  I don't get constant encouragement and love but I do get it.  Like today, after a rough morning, my husband brought in some "weed" flowers (because he says that anything growing in our lawn is a weed...even these pretty flowers) and put them in a bowl of water to let them float.  It was a cheery gesture and when I came downstairs from my nap/rest/cave of a bed of tissues, I saw that.   Earlier in the week Georgie proudly came in from a time of playing outside all stained with yellow pollen and handed me a handful of the same pink flowers.  She's a compassionate soul and always wants to give me hugs and kisses when I feel sick.

So as I approach the dreaded weeks ahead I really am looking to learn and see what things the Holy Spirit will teach me through my pain and suffering, and not only learn but practice the things that we as sinners are able to overcome because we have accepted Christ into our lives.  I know I would not be able to "survive" this hideous ordeal (disease) without Christ as my hope.  Putting your hope in things other than Him makes the fight so much harder and so much more futile.

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Again, this is a no words kind of day.  I'm just plain pooped out. Both kiddos are sick and require a lot more attention that I just don't have to give but I have to force it which causes my body to stress physically.  Anywho --

This video answered some questions about Lyme in a great way:

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

like I'm getting sick?

The hard thing about having Lyme is that if/when you get a regular old virus, it's hard to tell whether you actually have a virus or if you just are experiencing Lyme symptoms.

I really can't tell. My oldest has a virus and my youngest is getting it as we speak.  For two days now I've thought I was coming down with something but then realized it's the same feeling I have on various days of Lyme disease!  Aches, tiredness, etc.

So strange.

And yet again I will mention that having kids and being chronically ill is a very hard task.  Especially when THEY get sick.  That's the time they need a mother's love most and you just don't have enough energy to give them all you should.  That's why it's great to have a support system.  Right now it's my husband who stayed up most the night with my oldest because my night-time meds don't allow me to sit up without falling over.

I don't know which is harder, the day shift for a chronically ill Momma, or the night shift for a hardworking Daddy.

Anyways -- we all would appreciate your prayers this week.

Monday, March 14, 2011

Beat

Since I have many words but no energy b/c of a little sick one and my own darned disease I'm going to direct you to this well-put blogpost written by a fellow Lymie:

Lymeland

Friday, March 11, 2011

SO so ill

Week two of Babesia treatment really knocked me flat on my face (literally -- my husband arrives home to see me face down on the couch and the girls playing next to me or my littlest one slapping her pudgy hands on my face and back in delight as I lay there in misery).

I feel awful right now even.  My meds are M-W-Th-F.  Each day of meds starts out fairly ok.  I can get breakfast for the girls.  Then breakfast for myself.  Then I take the dreaded meds and the "paint medicine". Then I wait.  Baby girl takes a nap, I take a shower if I have the energy, Big girl watches a short show.  By the time my shower is over I am drained.  A migraine creeps in as well, and I try to stave it off with the only thing that helps (sometimes) -- Aleve.  Thankfully I've already taken Zofran (for nausea) because the nausea would be much much worse were it not for the Zof.

When Baby wakes up it's lunchtime.  Usually my husband has made Georgie's sandwich.  I have to prepare a bottle and some solid food for Liv.  At this point all I want to do is collapse and lay in a heap until Matt gets home.  But it's not a possibility.

So I endure.  After playtime, it's nap time for both girls.  Thank goodness because then I CAN collapse for a bit.  And I do.

As the week goes on, progressively I get worse and worse and feel awful earlier and earlier so it's a longer period of time during the day that I hurt.  It's pain - all over.  Everywhere.  Moving my body hurts.   Moving a toe hurts.  Lifting my head hurts.  And my energy is shot.

After naps it's time for a snack and then wait for Daddy.  About that time is the time I do lay flat on the couch waiting and waiting and making sure the kids are safe and not getting into trouble.  Thankfully we've baby-proofed out house and our oldest knows not to get into certain things in the house that are dangerous.

Daddy arrives home and usually says, "Go upstairs now and rest!"  So I don't argue and drag my body up to my bed and burrow in.  Sometimes it helps to be in a quiet room to rest.  Other times it's almost worse because you're just there with no distractions and you're alone with your PAIN.  But I will say, it is better than being near the little ones because a mother's heart hears all their pleas and wants to answer every one of them.  So just a break from that helps.

So anyway -- that is how my life has been these last two weeks.  Next week I get a break and then we start up again all over after that.

These guys are my favorites and make my life happy amidst this trial...even when part of the trial is taking care of them when I feel ill :)

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

gladdened


We took a walk on Monday -- that was my first treatment day.  I felt enough energy.  We took another walk today -- on the second treatment day of the week.  Baby steps --not gonna say they were long ones.  But it heartens me to see that my body is bouncing back.  I can feel terrible at the end of the day and after I sleep on it, it can be a whole new day (most of the time).  This is huge.  Not every day is like that.  Not every morning can I wake up "afresh".  But more and more days I can.  I'm so thankful.  We are noticing so much more improvement.

The girls love getting outside and part of the whole "sick-mom guilt" I get from this illness is that I can't give them the things that other kids get regularly from their mom.  Some days the best I can do for THEM is to watch MYSELF and take care of myself by hibernating until one of them needs something. But I know it doesn't look like I'm helping them in their little eyes.  All they see is "Mommy can't talk to you right now.  You need to go play over there."

So I've been so thankful these days to have a few "mom things" that I can do.  They aren't as good as what other moms can do but they mean oh-so-much to me.  Our ten minute walks, reading ONE book to Georgie, playing ONE game like pat-a-cake with Olivia.

Soon I hope I can cook for them and my husband and just do more normal "mom things".  But also lately instead of wishing and hoping for things that may take a while to come, I'm just really relishing any day that I can have that is better than yesterday's.