Tuesday, February 1, 2011

indebted

WHAT would I do without my husband during this illness?  There are a lot of serious stressful things that happen in marriages that tear them apart and chronic illness can be one of them.  I am so so thankful that my husband has stuck with me through thick and thin -- "for better or for worse" "in sickness and in health" as our wedding vows before God and witnesses stated.

I mention a lot that we get a lot of help from beloved friends and family who give up their own time and money to care for our family but I don't mention my husband that much.  I think it's just because he works to pay for our life and my treatment and he's so much apart of our daily life.  He's home from work in the evenings and on weekends.

But here's what his typical Monday looks like:
-Up at 7:00, get ready for day, get coffee made (for him and for me), make sandwich and put in the fridge for my 3 year old's lunch so I don't have to spend energy doing it, leave for work.
-Work hard ALL day, making sure to check in via phone or email every few hours just because :)
-4pm - leave work and sometimes stop at the store if we're out of something or pick up my medication refills if I need them.
-4:30-5pm - home.  Hug and play with both girls who are getting restless just as I'm fading.  COOK DINNER - and this involves letting my 3 year old daughter "help" so she's not 'bothering' me and I can rest somewhat.
-While cooking, he juggles a 3 year old "helping" and makes time to give our littlest one her acid reflux meds 30 mins. before her dinner.  He prepares plates for everyone for dinner and prepares a bottle and solids for my youngest.
-I eat as fast as I can and that usually gives me a bit more energy then I take the baby who he's just fed, he helps our 3 year old finish her food, and then he gets to eat.
-After dinner, he clears plates, gets BOTH girls their baths, into their pajamas, and to bed if I don't have energy to walk the stairs to be a part of "night-night time" (which involves songs, stories, and lots of loves)

He'll take time off work to help me take the girls to doctor appointments, or take time off work to stay home with the girls while I go get routine blood drawn.  On Saturdays he'll take one of the girls on a "date" to give me time to rest.  He'll even handle BOTH girls for a whole afternoon on the weekend if I need to just crash in the bedroom and be left alone.

He cuts up my food on days when I have no energy or I'm in too much pain to do so.  He puts meds in my mouth if I'm having a seizure and clears a crowd of "watchers" or carries me to another room to keep my dignity.  He literally pours water down my throat when I'm unable to hold the glass still.  Now if you've never experienced that, it's quite humiliating.  But he does it in a way that doesn't embarrass me.

I think my husband is a stalwart.  And a rockstar.  And definitely someone I never doubt will leave me when times get tough.  He loves our family and me so very much through his actions and words and I'm thankful he's the one God chose to be with me during this illness.  We sure didn't know what we were getting into when we got married and promised to be with each other forever no matter what.

And you know what?  I haven't done the dishes in more than 6 months.  He may not get them done THAT night, but he gets them done the next morning or evening.  He also helps out with chores around the house when I ask.  And he doesn't complain.  He listens to ME complain, I'm sorry to say.  But I hardly ever hear him complain.

Now, I'm not saying he's perfect.  Who could be?  We both have our faults and I certainly don't view him as a flawless person.  Marriage is hard enough without something like chronic illness; chronic illness brings a lot more marital stress between husband and wife.  But what I'm thankful for is that he is often the one to "bury the hatchet" first when we argue, even if I'm the one being the stinker, and he also is the one in the relationship that doesn't worry.  I am a worrier (and even more so with this disease--I think it adds anxiety without your permission) and he not only tries to help me with that but puts up with it.  I know it's an annoying quality of mine to him.

So, yes, this is an ode to my husband and to all of those people who stay by their loved one's side when they are ill and just do what needs to be done so that everyone can "survive".  What would we who are ill do without them?  Thank you, Lord!

5 comments:

  1. I don't think I ever mentioned it to you guys, but Vika and I have noticed many of these awesome qualities of his over the years. I definitely look up to him and appreciate how much he loves you.

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  2. what a blessing this post was heather!! a tribute to God's glory in your marriage. thank you!!

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  3. You and the girls are truly blessed. What a wonderful hubby and daddy. I pray for all of you daily!

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  4. Thanks, Matt, for your consistent, loving care for Heather - what a prince!

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  5. praise the Lord. that's all i can say!! He prepared you two for each other.

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