Monday, December 6, 2010

F A T I G U E D

It's funny (depending on how you look at it), one of the worst things to hear sometimes for someone who is chronically ill is "You look so good!" or "You're looking great!" because, when people say that to me or comment about a picture of me, I can remember exactly what I was feeling in that picture or at that moment and most times it wasn't my best day.  It's awful to suffer from a disease that makes you feel so terribly awful and yet doesn't necessarily make you LOOK sick.

I know all of those people who say I look good mean well.  And really, what else would I want them to say?  I look bad?  Oh THANK you for telling me!  That's just how I feel!  No. I guess what I'd like to hear is, "I know you're still suffering and must be feeling awful, but you are still looking good." or something like that.  I know it's unfair to expect that because honestly, I rarely post pictures of myself without makeup, in sweats, and feeling sickly on the couch (which is most days).  I post pictures when I do look good. So I shouldn't complain.  Chronic illness is hard to understand unless you've gone through it. *sigh* I really shouldn't complain.  Hearing a compliment is a nice thing.....even when you're sick :)

The picture here is from this weekend.  I was just coming off of a "good" week (no antibiotics).  We had been invited to a murder mystery party.  Fun.  1940's theme.    It was a lot of fun but I wasn't feeling great.  I was feeling better than I do while I'm on antibiotics, and no, I didn't need the wheelchair, but in all reality I was feeling pretty bad.

Thankfully, though, even while feeling bad, I was able to enjoy myself.  The party was fun and I'm glad I decided to go.

This time without our oldest daughter (who is out of state with Grandma and Grandpa) gone has indeed proven to give me more rest.  It doesn't make me feel better physically but I am able to rest more and the stress on my system has been lightened.  We are seeing more and more that it was the right decision to send her.  And soon I will see her!  Counting down the days :)  She is having fun with her loving grandparents and aunts and uncles and cousins.  We Skype every night.  Love it.

I had an appointment with my doctor.  He said I am making progress, but as many of you know, killing this complicated disease is a LONG process.  He wanted to start me on Babesia treatment (a co-infection of Lyme) but because we are about to travel/move out of state in the next couple of weeks, he doesn't want to shock my system with something new.  So I will stick with the treatment I've been on (same drugs, same timing - 2 weeks on, 1 week off).  Means I'll have an "off" week the week of Christmas!!  :)

Speaking of the holidays,  I have a question for you all.  It might just add some cheer to your day if you're suffering like am.

What was the most memorable (good or bad) holiday you had and why?


I'll tell you mine in the comments.  :)

3 comments:

  1. As promised - my most memorable holiday was probably the year (many years ago) when our family was struggling financially. We were told we probably weren't going to get any presents. I don't remember being too disappointed. But Christmas morning came, and there under the tree were presents! Lots of them! Our family's church friends had provided gifts for all us kids. And not only gifts, but THE gifts we wanted. I got a Cabbage Patch doll that you could curl and crimp it's hair. And a game called Tornado Rex :) I'll never forget that Christmas because of the kindness showed to us during need.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Let's see- my most memorable holiday was the Thanksgiving right after Ryan proposed to me. It was the weekend before and I was totally surprised. It was the first big holiday I spent with him and his family. It was SO much fun, and we were SO excited!!

    ReplyDelete
  3. I'll never forget the Christmas that I got my Easy Bake Oven. It was by far my favorite Christmas present :). My brother got a mini pool table that year too, and I remember watching White Christmas on TV. I can't say for certain, but it might have been the last Christmas we spent with my mom (before she and my dad divorced). Maybe that's why I remember it so well :(.

    ReplyDelete