for reals sick

Oh goodness!

The last few weeks have been so painful for my body.  I caught a one day break this week where I was in no pain.  Delightful!  And I'm grateful for that day for whatever reason it was given to me.

And after caring for two sick little kiddos and wiping runny noses by day and calming coughs in the middle of the night, those little stinkers gifted me their virus.  Thought I was coming down with it earlier in the week but I wasn't.  I got it today.  Ick.

I don't think I've been sick with an actual virus since I started Lyme treatment.  So this is a first.  I'm feeling pretty bad today but more so dreading tomorrow when I start my next two weeks of Babesia treatment.  I know how it makes my body feel and now I get to have that on top of having a runny nose/congested head/cough/aches and pains.  

It was such a struggle over the last 3 weeks to stay cheerful and look for the ways I could be taught during the trial instead of just selfishly looking at my pitiful state and wallowing in it.  And not only wallowing in it but taking it out on my husband (mostly) and kids (not as often).  It's hard to be "nice" when you're in extreme pain.  But I am learning and trying (with the Holy Spirit's help) to be kinder, gentler, and more Christlike in my behavior toward my little family that God has gifted to me.

I really have noticed a difference when I speak with kind words (even when I so want to lash out {with my words} or be frustrated in anger at kids' disobedience and mischievousness or misunderstandings with my husband).

  "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." Prov. 15:1

My daughter is more teachable in moments when I use kind, calm words than when I react according to the pain I'm feeling.  I know it's not easy for her to have a momma that has to lay around most of the day and I know it's not what my husband thought our married life down the road would be like when we first got married.  But they have given me encouragement and love.  And I'm not saying they're perfect at that.  I don't get constant encouragement and love but I do get it.  Like today, after a rough morning, my husband brought in some "weed" flowers (because he says that anything growing in our lawn is a weed...even these pretty flowers) and put them in a bowl of water to let them float.  It was a cheery gesture and when I came downstairs from my nap/rest/cave of a bed of tissues, I saw that.   Earlier in the week Georgie proudly came in from a time of playing outside all stained with yellow pollen and handed me a handful of the same pink flowers.  She's a compassionate soul and always wants to give me hugs and kisses when I feel sick.

So as I approach the dreaded weeks ahead I really am looking to learn and see what things the Holy Spirit will teach me through my pain and suffering, and not only learn but practice the things that we as sinners are able to overcome because we have accepted Christ into our lives.  I know I would not be able to "survive" this hideous ordeal (disease) without Christ as my hope.  Putting your hope in things other than Him makes the fight so much harder and so much more futile.