not as planned

I've been struggling to write anything lately on this blog because I've been feeling pretty rotten.  My life on this day is not as I had planned.  I had hoped to be doing really well with this new round of meds so that Thanksgiving would be easy-peasy to prepare for.  But it has not been; my body is not cooperating. And on top of that, dealing with very needy children and also one of them being sick (ultimately pneumonia!).  Sometimes children are more wanting than usual.  More wanting of attention, discipline, boundaries....those are all things that are so hard to do for your kids when you're so sick you can hardly move or when talking is too fatiguing.

But sometimes when you are THIS sick, you have to set your priorities.  You might have to choose ONE task out of MANY that are calling you to do them because your body literally cannot handle more than one.  I've tried to make my kids the one thing I do lately.  There are some seasons where they do not need as much of me and there are others (like lately) where they really, really need their Mama to love and to guide them.

The problem with THIS priority is that it drains me more than any other.  Children are such an investment.  But such a rich one. I never have regretted having them, even when I'm my sickest.  They are a blessing and it's such an honor and blessing to me to have been entrusted with them to care for and raise (along with my husband by my side).  I know not all moms get to stay home with their kids so I don't take it lightly that my affliction has made it so that I MUST stay home.  I am thankful.

Friends keep asking me, "Can't you just skip this week's treatment or move it to another week?".  Maybe.  But in the grand scheme of fighting this disease, it means more to me to keep fighting, even if it means feeling bad on holidays; because the feeling bad is usually a good indicator that we're on to something.  I want to keep the momentum going and kill as many little "bugs" as possible so that I can be well sooner.

I'll tell you what has gone according to my "plan" so far -- my appetite is still here!  No nausea in sight.  I'm praying this will last through Thursday so that I can feast upon all the delicious food we're having!

Have a happy Thanksgiving!