Friday, September 28, 2012

accepting

A recent question was posed to me by a reader of this blog who happens to also be a mom.  I thought I'd share it and my answer.  Being chronically ill with kids is something that needs a lot of encouragement because, well, it can be darn hard and DIScouraging.

Q: Life is looking grim.  Life goes on around me and I think my kids are just used to this as my "normal".  I feel like they don't view me as just sick anymore - they view me as "this is how mom is now".  It's not what I thought my job would be. I beg God to help me but I feel like it just ends at begging.  Is that the lesson?  To stay in a begging state?  What do you do when it's like that?

A: I am SO sorry.  I think it's a grieving process.  You know, denial-anger-bargaining-depression-acceptance.  You sound like you are in the begging/bargaining phase and a little depressed.  Losing your health IS something to grieve about.  But you have to come to acceptance, and that sounds like it's next on your list.  I remember coming to acceptance and it made it a lot easier to cope and to actually get some things done instead of just lay there sick.  Even if it was one little thing a day, it made me feel accomplished because I knew what my limitations were and I had given up trying to impose impossible duties on my body.

Instead of looking at all the things you CAN'T physically do and that your kids think you are just like that as a mom (which I'm sure they don't and you won't be ill forever), look at yourself as being ill in this time of life and learn to lay aside expectations.  Do the minimum until you feel your body can do more and don't be ashamed of it.  The only way you'll get better is by saving your body and by asking for help.  It can be from your kids even.  You can ask them to do chores and if any friend offers help, ACCEPT IT no matter how they will "see" you (dirty house, etc.).  And if you have a friend who you can ASK for help, I'd do it.  Even if it's just something small like, "Will you bring us dinner one night this week?"  or "Can you take the kids today?".

God hears your begs but His timing might not be to let you feel relief right NOW so you are welcome to beg, but part of the acceptance of being ill (for however long or short) is saying, "Please help me feel well NOW, Lord, but help me accept it with a happy heart if your answer is 'wait'."

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