like it's coming out

This is the week that Lord willing my PowerLine will be coming out.  Just a couple more Lactated Ringer's solution drips through the line and then it'll be bye-bye. It's been about a year since it's been in and it did help me a lot. Of course I'm still working hard to get well, but going through IV was a big push in the right direction.

limed

Lyme disease is often misdiagnosed as Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, Fibromyalgia, MS, Parkinson's, ALS, and more. I was misdiagnosed for several years. Both of my girls were treated and now are symptom free. It's so important to rule out Lyme with a specialist if you've received any of the above diagnoses. These pictures were part of the Lyme Disease Challenge and you may have seen ones like them going around lately. 

My last appointment in DC went well.  I'm making slow and steady progress with fewer seizures and we're trying to get down to the bottom of my energy issues. For this next two rounds of treatment we are trying new things to figure out if there are underlying causes and I've had lab work drawn once again to see if anything can be figured out besides "THIS IS LYME" and this disease is terrible.  But really, in the end, one day, I will be my normal self again and that is the hope.  And energy should be returned to its full strength to be considered normal in my book.

I'm still without joint pain which is wonderful! I'm so so thankful that the Lord has seen fit to keep that away.  I may have kicked it for good.  I think the best news from the appointment was that at the end of April I will get to have my line removed! Yipee :)  Showers and jacuzzis and beaches and swimming are in my summer future! Just.in.time. 

While things are looking up, life is still quite hard as it is difficult to function on very low energy reserves. So pray that the Lord would strengthen me and that the doctors would find answers as to how to remedy that.  And as you can imagine, life doesn't stop when you have three children, especially small ones!

Lord, I'm drowning

In a sea of perplexity.

Waves of confusion

Crash over me.

I'm too weak

To shout for help.

Either quiet the waves

Or lift me above them--

It's too late

To learn to swim.

-Ruth Harms Calkin

But I continue to try to stay prepared daily for each "crisis" through prayer and through His Word, for only those things will get you through to the end.  And I know He still is doing what He has planned for me even though it's hurting like heck.

"He knows the way I take; when He has tried me, I shall come forth as gold. My foot has held fast to His path; I have kept His way and not turned aside. I have not departed from the command of His lips; i have treasured the words of His mouth more than my necessary food. But he is unique and who can turn Him? And what His soul desires, that He does. He performs what is appointed for me." - Job 23:10-14

stalled

It's been a while.  But the good news is, I'm no longer on IV antibiotics!  I've graduated to orals.  I've still got my trusty line in, though and I'm using it for Lactated Ringer's solution to help flush out and detoxify.

I already have a month of oral antibiotics under my belt and I'm underway with my second month.  And like a stalled car just trying to start I feel like I'm screaming at my immune system to please kick in and start!  Please! Please! Remember your job - start up again - do what you're supposed to be doing!

I'm quite worn out all the time and can function minimally, but I have just come out of the battle as my husband reminds me.  It's early to start expecting me to bounce up and be perky with vigor.  But I've got to say I'm frustrated. I'm so frustrated and downtrodden. This is such a sucking vortex of a disease that brings you down down down into a pit of despair if you don't watch out for it and I've got sucked into it because I wasn't careful to guard my heart.

It's been 4 years since I was diagnosed, but it was 8 years since I was debilitated by the disease and longer since I've had symptoms.  Eight years is a long time to be really sick and nearly non-functioning most of the time with various stages of people and friends who do and don't understand what you're going through with opinions flaring and such.  Downtrodden.

But there's lots to be thankful for!  There have been many who have been so supportive!  My family for one!  Most of our close friends in the previous states we've lived in - they did so much in acting as family since our family couldn't be there.  They truly were the body of Christ and we are so thankful for that.

I'm thankful my second daughter is (with a tentative voice) Lyme-free. That has been a very long road filled with triumphs and setbacks and heartache and someday I may tell her whole story because I know it may encourage others with parents who have children with Lyme.  We have no kids with Lyme disease now.  Praise the Lord.

It's just me now.  I need to heal.  Why can't I heal faster?  More like, why can't I be patient?  Isn't 8 years patient enough?  I hate this disease.  Coming in to see a doctor after being so so sick for 4 years for sure means it's going to take a bit longer to heal than your average person.  I know that.  My husband and I just wish we could finally be done with this disease once and for all.  We see the success stories and know it will happen.  But Lord, when will it happen for ME?