deceitful

Not in the sense that I'm trying to lie.  But I will tell you what - so many...SO MANY people ask me or ask us "How are you doing?"  They know our situation.  They know I'm having seizures...on OFF weeks.  I'm not even killing bugs and my body is going haywire.  It's just so overloaded I can't detox enough.  My seizure meds are at doses through the roof.  And they are helping, but just not enough.  We are in constant communication with the doctors.

This might be how I look

 The deceit goes like this:

*"How are you guys doing?
"Well, we're not doing great.  We're scared." We're terrified!  We are at a breaking point.  Heather cries often so ready to give up.  She begs to go home - to her heavenly home.  That scares Matt.  He wants to take her pain away.  He wants to take her place. He wants to be able to fix her.

*"How are you feeling?"
"I'm not having the greatest of days today" I'm suffering; so much that you wouldn't be able to grasp it.  I'm in pain/I need encouragement.  I can't think straight and my mind is foggy so I'm sorry if I have repeated things or said things that offended you.  Hurting you is the farthest thing from my heart.  Alienating you is too, that is what I answer simply.  I WANT to hold on to my friends!

But this is how I feel

*"How can we help?/Is there anything we can do to help?"
"Well, it's hard to think of something now, but we'll let you know." Oh how we'd love a meal but we have allergies and have to be so careful.  If you understand gluten-free then yes, but how can we just ask you that.  Most people do not understand gluten free cooking and Heather will get very sick if she has even a little gluten.  
Heather would love to get out of the house sometimes but can't drive a lot of the time.  But that can be hard to schedule because each morning/day is different for her.  Matt would love to get out and spend time with a guy friend.  Heather would love someone to take her to run a few errands she can't just send Matt or her mom on.  Heather's mom would love a break taking care of the kids but Olivia has some special needs.  You have to follow a schedule.  Not hard, but how do we just tell you these things when you have family of your own?  These requests and needs are not ones that would be easy to ask of just any friend.

"How can we pray for you?"
"You can pray that Heather will be encouraged daily by the Word even when she can't read.  That she will be encouraged by friends and not feel alone.  That Matt will be encouraged by the Word and know how to encourage Heather best.  You can pray that the kids will not be afraid or scared.  They sense something is wrong and notice that mommy is in her bedroom all day.  You can pray that Heather won't be lonely.  You can pray that tangible encouragement will bless her from all angles. You can pray for Heather's mom that she will have the stamina to keep up with caring for the kids.   You can pray for Heather's Dad as he is separated from her mom that they will be able to connect though apart and that God would provide a way for her Dad to come visit more often to see his wife."  There is no deceit there.