guilty

There's this sense of guilt when asking for help.  You know?  Especially when you don't look sick. But you have to get over it.  The pride for me is what gets in the way.  What will people think of me?  "She walked yesterday; why is she in a wheelchair today?"  "She went to that friend's house yesterday; why can't she come to mine today?" Fear of man, fear of what people will think.  Get.over.it.  I have to tell myself that all the time.  SO many people want to help.  Let.them.in.  I repeat that too.

Well, this is a half-tribute to my mom too.  I can't speak for her, but I can imagine how she might feel.  She came here to help me.  My mom - she already raised 4 kids and now she's here semi-raising my three. Sometimes I wonder if people are thinking, "Well, her mom is there to help, why would she still need help with chores or with the kids or with...."

Here's why - My mom works so so hard.  Anyone with kids will know that caring for kids is hard!  She gets them up, makes breakfast for each one, puts them in high chairs, wipes faces, drives one to therapy some days when I can't, then makes breakfast for ME, does the dishes - that's all before 8:30am, mind you - then it's interference time.

An almost 4 year old and an almost 2 year old need interference-running all the time.  And teaching.  We are teaching them to be kind, godly little ones.  We trust my mom with that.  We don't trust just anyone with that.  When I'm able, I do it, but when I'm not, she does.  And do you know how exhausting THAT can be?  Our almost-7-year-old needs godly input too.  She's not done learning.

Then it's lunch time.  Make lunches, high chairs, wiping of hands, etc.  All over again.  Picking up little girl from therapy.  Then it's bliss time - adult lunch while kids play upstairs where we can hear them and they watch a movie.  But my mom doesn't get to rest -- she has to make MY lunch, make sure I'm not about to have a seizure, etc.  Then it's nap time.  For EVERYONE.  Well, "room time" for the kid that doesn't nap.

By the end of nap, I can see my mom is getting tired.  Then....THEN, she works.  Did you know she works?  She gets to work from home thankfully.  But she has to work part-time.  I remember the days I worked from home and raised ONE little one.  I was exhausted all the time.  But my mom does it somehow with three kiddos who aren't even her own.

Matt makes dinner when he gets home and while my mom works, but if she can, she runs more interference during the "witching hour" at our house -- that hour and a half before dinner when every kid becomes a little Tasmanian devil.  At bedtime, she even will take a break from her work (that sometimes is not a good idea to break from) to help put the kids to bed so that she can help her son-in-law.  She is so sacrificial.

Somewhere in all that we manage to get laundry done. It helps to have two little who know how to put laundry AWAY.  But the washing and folding is still a one person job (unless I'm having a particularly good day and can just sit on the bed or couch and fold).

So what does that leave?  It leaves housework (which gets done when it can by...you guessed it...my mom), lawn work (Matt is exhausted from work, making dinners, and worrying about me/caring for me at night), and general other house stuff.

There.  There is no guilt in it.  Help is needed and we've already seen it generously pouring in.  Thank you to those who have helped.  Thank you to those who have tangibly helped and encouragingly helped, and most of all, to those of you who are PRAYING.  We don't give up on praying.  Keep it up, please!

Time to rest.