stunned

Like a one-two punch hit me in the gut.  But maybe I'm being too dramatic and I should just get over it.  In fact, I almost expected it.  Today was my phone appointment with my doctor.  Last month's first week of treatment was pretty rough on me.  Lots of almost-seizures that were saved with medication and a few seizures that slipped on through.  The second week was much better and I am improving in energy, but my "off" weeks are still lagging a bit and what was explained to me today is that in order to "graduate" to oral antibiotics, they really want to see two consecutive months of "good" off weeks.

I'm not there yet.  Not there, almost there, but - NOT there. In fact, I'm so-close-but-not-quite-there that I have to do ANOTHER month of IV.  Dr. J misinformed us last appointment that I was done.  OH how sad I am.  THAT is why I feel a bit sucker-punched.

More time to infuse are in my future.

BUT, in another way, I am SO thankful that we are treating this ALL the way. I don't want to prematurely end fighting this disease the way it should be fought.  I want to get every last ounce of fight out of this PowerLine that I can if it will help.  I trust my doctor; she is so attentive to detail and spent such a long time on the phone with me today going over really minute details to help paint a bigger picture that would form her opinion and base her treatment plan for me.  It all makes sense.  It might feel sucky, but it makes sense.  And she said she is so so hopeful that this IS the last month of IV and that when I see her in January we can move on to oral antibiotics.  That is our prayer.   But I've got to say, getting the news just made the tone in my voice for the rest of our appointment change and get more down and out.

Did I grieve?  Yes? (I might still be grieving a bit)

But will the Lord sustain us through this and however much longer we have to go through IV antibiotics?  Yes.  The first thing I did after I got off the phone was fall over on the bed and pray.  "Lord, please provide for us.  Please sustain me." And then I cried.  It's tough to go through these rounds of IV as you've heard me describe.  I'm not looking forward to Monday.  But I'm thankful for the rest of this week that I have off.  And I'll try to keep looking for the things I can be grateful for throughout the rest of the week.

"but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint."

Isaiah 40:31