Tired

....in the pregnant way where you think you could literally sleep ALL day. Pregnant women do LOTS of work without even knowing it! I always encourage my first-trimester pregnant friends to go ahead and rest and not feel bad about it because making a baby is hard work.

It's interesting the difference between fatigue and tiredness. Most chronically ill people are fatigued. But what I found with some of the inexperienced (with chronic illnesses) doctors is that when I listed that as a symptom they'd say, "So you sleep all day or feel like you could?"

"NO" I'd say, "I'm FATIGUED...extremely fatigued. I have zero energy the minute I roll out of bed. Walking to the bathroom feels like I just ran a marathon. But I don't think I could sleep." Most doctors didn't pay attention to this and assumed I meant I felt like sleeping all day.

But really there is a HUGE difference! That is how I know that right NOW, the tired feeling I have is related to pregnancy. If I was fatigued I'd wonder if all my symptoms were creeping back in from this 2 week respite I've had.

The fatigue I've experienced was always constantly worrisome to me. I didn't know WHY I was so fatigued and didn't know how to fix it. I tried everything. I felt a sense of guilt that I couldn't do things as simple as walk to another room or felt a bit like a failure as I watched people clean my house. I shouldn't have but it's hard not to when you spend month after month crumpled on the couch.

So while I curl up on the couch these days and sneak a nap while my little one takes her nap, I don't feel one ounce guilty or worried because I know it serves a purpose and know the reasons behind it and know it's not a mysterious illness :) I can be thankful for something this little right now after the year I've had and will be thankful for it as long as it lasts :)