bummed

My sis wiping noses and keeping the kids entertained

My sister was here for a week.  She was here to be a friend and encouragement but also to take care of the little ones 24/7.  It was so nice!  It was 1 of 2 "off" weeks and I was actually still struggling from all the toxicity in my body from the last round of antibiotics.  So I was fairly useless.  B12 shots helped me be able to go on a couple of date nights with my husband (as those have been few and far between).  But mostly I was on my permanently worn in spot on the couch enjoying the sounds of my girls playing with their Auntie.  It was mostly an energy problem this week and not so much a headache/yuck/pain week.

Then today, the day she leaves (starting of week 2 of the "off" weeks), I am feeling a lot more energy.  So yes, it is a blessing that right as she leaves I have more energy but also, a huge bummer that I can't spend this week that I will feel better "playing" with my sis.

But I have certainly noticed that when we have family and friends come to "help", it's often been the most appropriate week(s) to NEED help.  And these trips are planned WAY in advance not knowing whether I'll feel well that week or not!  God always orchestrates it to my benefit.  I'm so thankful.

As of now, we expect no more "live-in" help between now and November!!!  That seems daunting to me, especially as I start a very intense protocol on Monday.  *shudder*.  I am anticipating feeling like "death" and am starting to shake a bit at the prospect of willingly doing that to my body.  But I KNOW it's for the good of my body.  It's just hard to do it.

We do still have our church body of friends and I know some will be able to help here and there (it is summer after all so I'm not expecting people to bend over backwards when they have plans), but I know this next round of meds will require live-in help.

So Matt and I are just praying.  We don't exactly know what we need but we're praying that (as always), God will make our paths straight and give us just what we need.  Sometimes it means an unexpected call from a friend or family member out of state who says, "Can I come help for a week or two?" And sometimes it means a week or two (or month) of struggling SO hard that you feel as though you're hanging by a thread.  But after, you feel closer to God as He's deemed you "fit" enough for that kind of trial.  Sometimes I wonder that maybe I must be extra "fit" to be given what seems like pummel after pummel of trials with this disease.  I don't feel spiritually fit.  I'm not down and out as God would not leave me lying there.  He always helps me up and I have hope......hope like a bright beam through this dark tunnel....hope in Him that makes these daily trials not so despairing.