Terrified

I talked to the P.A today. I could have called earlier with a few questions I had but I just didn't. I know why I didn't. I was afraid that when she heard of the improvements I was having, she and Dr. J would conclude it would be a great time to start treatment. It's not that I don't want to get better, but man, oh man. Have you ever heard the stories or read other people's accounts of killing the Lyme spirochetes? It's not an easy thing on your body and I just already feel rotten, so why would I WANT to feel MORE rotten? I guess it's a "big picture" kind of thing. You have to feel bad before you'll feel better.


So she called and yes, she thinks I'm stabilized enough to start antibiotics on Monday. Basically my main complaints right now are SEVERE lack of energy and my arm tremors IF I exert myself too much. My pain is a lot better and I'm not dizzy or nauseous and only have balance problems when I over exert myself. And no seizures for.....well, for a while now. So I can keep my symptoms to a minimum if I basically lay on the couch all day. But I can't do that because I've got two littles that need me. I do the BARE minimum and boy does that make me feel like a lousy mom. I know I shouldn't feel that way but especially now that my oldest is getting to the point where she NEEDS that one-on-one contact a lot and asks so many inquisitive questions....well, *sigh* I just get tired thinking about it.


Did you know I have a great support system of friends at church? For the last few weeks I've had a steady help from one friend who comes and selflessly plays with my little girl. I don't know but I always was never one to ENJOY playing with kids before I had kids. Of course it changed when I had my own. But other people's kids? Not always fun. So I do really count it a huge blessing and act of servanthood for this friend to come spend half her days interacting so closely with little Goose.


Did you know I have other friends who help too? In the last two weeks I've had 3 OTHER friends drive 30 minutes to get to my house just to clean my kitchen, or vacuum my floors, or mop my kitchen or FOLD MY LAUNDRY....I don't know about you but I just figured folding other people's clean laundry was sort of just something you don't ask someone else to do. I mean, there's underwear in there. It's clean, yes, but it's still someone else's. So I never did ask anyone when they'd ask what they could do to help. But one of my friends just got in there and offered to do it. She didn't mind at all! And BOY what a help it was! I had a few loads just waiting to be folded and put away. You know what else she did? She went through little Livie's drawer of clothes and got out all the ones she had outgrown and put in the ones she now fits into. A huge task (in my weakened state) that now is completed. She also brought dinner and HAS brought a meal a week to us for the last few weeks. And promises to bring more :)


I had a friend make a Costco run for us since it had eluded us for the last few weeks. That's where we buy the little Cub's formula. It's cheaper there. And when she dropped off our stuff she came in and cleaned a little too.


I had a friend this week come that 30 minute drive to my house and let her boys play with my daughter. And while they played she assembled that night's dinner for us. What a blessing friends can be in time of need! This is the body of Christ doing what they are supposed to! And we don't take it for granted. We are SO thankful.


So back to the phone call from the doctor - I'm still not sleeping as well as she'd like so I'm going to start another med. to help me sleep better. Because good sleep is pretty crucial to your body recovering. It's all about getting your immune system back in control.


I got my MRI results. They showed my brain was fine! So thankful for this. My spine however showed a few spots of degenerative arthritis! Obviously this isn't normal for a 27 year old so the doctor thinks it's due to the Lyme disease. Lyme can cause early aging. Unfortunately there's nothing they can do to fix it but hopefully when we kill the Lyme it will at least slow down this "aging" process. That's the most she could promise is that we could "slow it down".


I'll be put on a few antibiotics at the same time for two weeks at a time. And then a fourth antibiotic on the last two days of each week (it helps "bust through" the cysts that form when the Lyme tries to "protect" itself from the antibiotics). Then I'll have one week off of all antibiotics. I'll do 3 cycles of this and then do a phone consult with Dr. J himself instead of just his P.A. We're grateful they aren't requiring me to fly there for the appointment. I'm to keep close track of my symptoms throughout treatment and it will help them know whether it's working. And throughout these whole cycles I'll be keeping in close contact with the P.A.


It's hard to know exactly what to expect because it's different for each person. It will probably exacerbate my old symptoms (pain, etc) but that means it's doing it's job. If it's unbearable pain we can adjust the doses, etc.


So please just pray for us. I'm SO SO scared to start this treatment because I know how awful it can make you feel. I start Monday morning!


I'm terrified but trusting that God will be with me (and our whole family unit) through this. He's sovereign over EVERY little thing in this universe so why should I doubt He'll help us through this?