Thursday, January 20, 2011

up and down

Such a hard thing about Lyme is the up and down days.  You can have a string of really bad days (can't move from a laying position, nauseated, mentally confused) to having a day or two that's really good (able to walk around the house without getting too fatigued, hungry, mentally clear).  And on those "good" days you wonder if you've reached a breakthrough only to be crushed emotionally when the following day begins another long string of "bad" days

And sometimes, your "good" days are false.  You're riding on adrenaline so you feel supernaturally good.  Days like - the excitement that your relatives are coming, the hectic-ness of traveling, etc.  But then eventually it hits you hard. Once your body relaxes you realize you were running off of the high of adrenaline and then it usually doubles your time of recovery.  That's why a lot of Lymies avoid stressful (even though fun) activities.

So with the knowledge of that, I often wonder when I have a "good" day whether it actually is good or whether it's a "false good" day.  I search my brain thinking of any sort of possibility that could account for why I might feel falsely good.  And at the same time I get a tingling hope that maybe it's progress in my treatment as the cause of feeling good for that day.

I suppose in either situation I should be ever so thankful that I do get moments of feeling "good".  Those days I always enjoy my little children more, I am nicer to my husband (who deserves so much more than I give him), and it's just easier to feel like I'm myself, and not someone whose body has been taken over by a really yucky disease.

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