fallen

It's hard to fall when you've been so high for a while.  I had been feeling so much better as you have seen through my blog posts.  I had told my Lyme doctor that I was feeling back up to about 80%  And I was thankful for those days and trying not to take them for granted.  But after the surgery - WHAM! I have felt worse than I ever have.  I compare it to a time when my liver was all whacked up and I was jaundiced. I literally felt like death was near and just so miserable.  I went from 80% to 1% -- no exaggeration there.

I think recovering from anesthesia AND my body trying to heal an incision cut into my body AND trying to heal from all the dead Lyme&Co bugs just threw my body into a tizzy.  I'm still in the midst of the tizzy. But I'm better than yesterday.  I couldn't say that until today.  Today (or this morning I should say), I don't feel that bloated feeling near my liver/spleen that just makes you feel as though you wish you were in a coma so you could skip this physically awful part of your life.

So many things with my body started reacting after the surgery.  I can't pinpoint one thing that did it.  It will probably be a mystery since there were so many culprits.  But I think now that things are somewhat tamed down, I know that detoxing was the hardest part.  My body was just overloaded with work to do and my body wasn't a "normal healthy" body to begin with.  All my previous detox tricks just weren't enough.  It was like I was so overloaded that detoxing only sloughed off the tip of what needed to be taken away.  My lymph nodes are full of lumps once again.

I feel set back.  But I keep being reminded that it still hasn't been a week since my surgery so my body is still recovering from that, and I'm on a treatment week which is already hard on my body!  So I suppose the real test will be at the end of this week when I am through with antibiotics and get a break.  We'll see how my body rebounds.

It sure doesn't feel great, though, after you've been feeling so so so much better.  I keep focusing on how those good days weren't guaranteed for me and that yes, they were good, so just be thankful for them and focus now on each step.  I can't even focus on each hour -- that's how bad it is.  I can only take each step at a time.

I've been keenly reminded once again at how fallen and broken our bodies are and how in this life they will never be perfect.  And again brought back to the fact that I'm thankful for a Savior who says we only have to believe in His name to have eternal, PERFECT, life with Him in heaven.  My body won't be sick anymore; I won't cry anymore; and best of all I'll be with my God.

Still no results from the doc on the biopsy.  But I surely won't forget to update you on that.  Pray that my body will get ahold of itself.  I can't take care of my kids and really don't have any "good" parts of the day.  Pray that I'll get the help I need during the day until I feel well enough to get through a day by myself!  And pray my mind will stay heavenward and that Matt and I will trust in God's sovereignty in this situation in our lives.

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